Marco!! ........ Marco!! ........ anybody?????

Have you ever had one of those days?? Where you felt like you were playing Marco Polo?? With you own BRAIN???  Boy I did today.....every time I turned around, I was forgetting something or losing my train of thought.  Could be the lack of sleep from the last 2 weeks...I really don't know.  Sometimes I would love to be able to know exactly where I am and what I will do when I get there.  In the meantime, I'll just wander around aimlessly....trying not to look lost as a goose. ;)

Yada yada yada, blah blah blah

Did everyone have a good Christmas?  I know ours was insanely overdone.  How about New Year's resolutions?  Mine are to run more, worry less, and say I love you more than once or twice a day.  I went for @ 3 runs a week for the last few weeks and am going a little farther daily.  This Friday, I have to take my husband to a V.A. sleep clinic....and it's a 4 1/2 hour drive.  After we get home Saturday, I'll have 1 day to recoup...then on Monday, he has a doctor's appointment in Little Rock (2 1/2 hours away).  So the next few days are going to be NORMAL around here (i.e. crazy!!)

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells.....yeah, you know the drill.

Only a couple more weeks till Christmas!! YAY.  (Can you SMELL the sarcasm......?)  Okay, seriously folks.....I know Christmas comes but once a year and all that jazz..... I ALSO know why we celebrate Christmas (it ain't Santa, just sayin'...)...........but seriously???  Christmas always leaves me feeling:  A.  Broke.  B.  Frustrated & Tired.  Know why? I'm sure you do.......Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE seeing certain folks that I only get to visit with once a year.  I LOVE seeing my kids' faces light up with all the reasons for the season.  Honestly though, I think we have all forgotten the meaning of Christmas.  Celebrating a very special birth, and helping those who are in need.  I'm not saying all the 'HO!HO!HO!' is a 'NO!NO!NO!'.  I just think we need to take time out to reflect and lend a  hand to others.  This year BY FAR has not been easy on our family, but there are others in much worse shape.  Just keeping that in mind puts things into perspective for me personally.

On a different note, I have been trying to get back in shape.  I've been jogging ( =-0 ) and going to Zumba recently.  I can already tell a difference.  Also, I've changed my diet.  Years ago, I was a vegetarian but did eat fish or seafood a couple of times a week ('pescetarian').  I felt better and maintained a more appropriate weight during that time.  So, for health reasons, I have decided to go back to that style of eating.  This has been more of a challenge than the exercise, but I know that it will pay off.  Just in 2 weeks, my energy level has gone up dramatically. THAT is already a big pay-off!!  Now, on to avoiding the Christmas cookies.... (=

FOREVER AND EVER AMEN

"...call those things that be not as though they were." - Romans 4:17.

Chaos and ever insuing madness is how I would describe our life.  I wouldn't have it any other way, though.  Seriously, every time I turn around, something is happening.  Sometimes it's fun, and sometimes it's NOT.  Like when I cracked my head open using a post driver to put up a fence last week.  Not fun, but it was interesting...and messy.
This week we have multiple doctors appointments in Little Rock.  They are a day apart, so there is no sense in driving all the way home.  Kiddos 2 and 3 are excited.  Me and pop, not so much.  It will involve a lot of waiting and hoping.  I know God will be with us.  I just have to maintain that attitude throughout our stay.
Now, if I could just remember where I packed my mind...

Weeeellllll, doggies!!

Neglected much? Yea. That would be my blog as of the last, oh, YEAR. 

Well, a LOT has happened...
Hubby was hospitalized for 6 weeks.  And is now jobless . . . and still very sick. We are regulars at the V.A. Medical Center.  Every WEEK.
Boy #2 has been diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis. He's being treated at Children's.
I spend about as much time in Little Rock as I do at home...
AND, I am working full (HA!!) time at our local hospital.  Well, spending every day at work that we are not at doctor appointments, and still not getting 40 hours.

HOWEVER . . .
there is a good side to the turmoil.
My marriage has never been stronger, nor has my faith.  I am human, and I do get weak at times, but for the most part it doesn't show.  My primary concerns are: A. Their health and well-being.  B. My other children's health and well-being.  C. Paying the bills.  D.  A meal and a nap occasionally for me. :)

So, would you like a little cheese with that whine?

Ahh, SUMMER!!

It is almost June (as a matter of fact, it will be tomorrow!), and I foresee a whole summer of busy-ness.  I've got 2 kids in summer school (for extra tutoring) and one going to 'kindergarten summer camp', because she begins kindergarten this fall.  I've already set the ground rules with the kids:  there will be NO SLACKING on the cleanliness/liveableness (not a word, I know) of our home this summer.  Also, I have every intention of paying off bills as much as possible during the summer months so we can actually begin SAVING. (Did I say that??????)

We do have some extra things that will have to happen, however.  DD #4 is having surgery in a couple of weeks (Oh. Joy.), DS #1 is being fitted for braces (yaaaaayyy . . . not.),  DS #2 will be having fillings done, and DD #3 will have fillings and 'rubber bands' placed for a tooth that isn't where it should be. All of which will involve paying money up front for the portion the insurance WON'T pay . . . LOVELY.

So, I will be putting my little planning list to the test and hope it does as it should.  I'm also going to be undertaking more Freezer Cooking to help save money and my sanity.  Clipping coupons, cutting back and watching sales will help fill in some of the gaps.  Now, where'd I put that list . . . ?

The Definition of a Good Mother

This week I have thought long and hard about being a mom.  Where have I triumphed?  Where have I not?  I look at my children and they seem bright, healthy and well-loved.  However, I keep finding myself thinking, "what could I be doing BETTER for them?" 

My oldest son is a very intelligent boy.  He has trouble completing tasks given to him at school.  He also has issues with anxiety, which makes for awkward social situations.  The principal asked me a couple of weeks ago if he had a 'diagnosis'. (?)  She went on to say that he is extremely bright and she sees a lot of potential in him, but he has enough trouble completing things that she wonders if he had some medical diagnosis that would allow the school to give him extra time to complete assignments and tests.  I told her no, but that I would discuss it with our family doctor.

My second child has trouble focusing and paying attention, to the point that for the last 3 years his teachers have asked me if I have considered putting him on medication.  This same child has allergies and is struggling at the moment with eczema AND psoriasis.  He is very smart as well, but has trouble with his school work for the same reasons.  No matter how much I beg, threaten, take away priveleges or ANYTHING, he still will not settle down to do his assigned tasks at times.

Here is where I question my mothering skills.  All my life, I have heard of the dangers of putting a 'label' on a child so you can give them a 'wonder pill' to fix all their problems.  People say, "Oh, if you PUNISH them enough, they'll straighten up! You're just not being hard enough on them!!"  Well folks, I hate to break it to you, but I've always been a firm believer in 'nipping things in the bud', so to speak.  I've even been accused of being TOO strict by people who spend much time around my kids and I. 

Now, however, I am seriously reconsidering all I have been taught by self-proclaimed experts.  I am beginning to think that I am just in denial that there is an issue, and that the issue is affecting my children's lives on a daily basis.  I strongly believe that I could set more routine and better example into their lives, and that might help SOME.  I also know that the teachers my sons have had for the last several years have been EXTREMELY organized, and have had strict routines set in place on a daily basis.  Still, they seem to have difficulty in many situations. 

Does it make me a bad mom to NOT want to 'label and medicate' them?  Or does it make me a bad mother to go along with my gut and try to fix the issue, and help them do better in their schoolwork and social situations?  There will always be nay-sayers on either hand.  People who do NOT spend extended periods of time with MY children. 

As mothers, we try to do what we feel is best.  We follow other people's advice, but wind up trusting our own instincts above all else.  The one thing I keep forgetting is that each family, each situation, each INDIVIDUAL, is different.  What works for one will not necessarily work for another.  The only thing I know to do is to pray about what I need to do, and follow the Lord's guidance.  He is, after all, the Great Physician.

Did anybody get the license plate of that train?

I woke up this morning feeling a little blah.  As the day went on, it got worse.  I've only been up 3 hours and already wanna go back to bed.  I have sooo much to catch up and get done today, but I really feel yucky.  Times like this make me reflect on my daily routines.  Did I eat enough yesterday?  Did I rest enough?  Did I do very much for ME recently?  With 4 children at home (and school), a person can tend to overdo things.  Right now, I have also been stressing unnecessarily about things that do me no good to worry about.  God is in control--I am not.  I probably need to tweak the routine a little, as I am also trying to recover my housekeeping schedule (little by little) and help my parents, who are going through some trials of their own right now. 
One of the things that HAS been falling behind is my ME time.  I used to make time for a hot bath, every evening.  Lately, it has just been quick showers, then on to the next thing.  I also used to take time to 'make myself up', every day.  Make-up and hair are not truly necessary additions to a woman's day, but they do help you to at least feel better.  The main thing I haven't been doing like I need to, is reading my Bible every day.  I think that one little thing, above all others, is the glue that holds me together.  I get so much encouragement from spending time with the Lord before I do anything else.  It gives me my strength and focus for the day.
Now, I need to get off the computer, go have my devotional and then on to a hot bath; followed by make-up and hair.  Maybe that'll help . . .

Grunge, skulls and crossbones, and punk hair

I am sooooo thankful for many things.  The main thought on my mind this morning is that I am unbelievably grateful that God doesn't just take a cookie cutter and cut all of his children out of the same mold.  Variety is the spice of life, in my opinion.  It takes a lot of flavor to make a truly delicious dish.  I am a little more 'out there' than some Christians I know (and love =]).  I do believe in modesty when possible, but my opinion of modesty differs from some.  My personal sense of style is more 'grunge' than 'glam'.  Does the fact that I have teeny-bopper bell bottom jeans, t-shirts with strange slogans (my fav pic on shirts, etc., is a skull with crossbones), and (gasp!) a tattoo (on my back with my children's names in it) mean that I am NOT a child of God?  Heavens, no. There are many of you out there who will read this and be frankly apalled.  At one point, I would've been too.  But let me ask you:  why does a person's taste in fashion and other areas determine their status in the church and community?  Why should you look so much at a person's OUTSIDE to truly know their INSIDE?  I believe that Jesus died on the cross to save HIS children from their sins.  I also believe that there were probably many people (back in the day) that took one look at John in all his grungy glory and said, "Eeew!!  He works for GOD???"  Yet, he was apparently on well enough terms with the Lord that he was chosen to baptize HIS son. 
Jesus taught us to love one another, not to judge one another on outside appearance.  I also have a feeling that he is not very proud of those of us who look down their nose at people who don't dress a certain way, or talk a certain way, or whatever.  We should encourage one another to behave appropriately, certainly.  We should also embrace just those little differences that make us all human.  There is not one of us that is better than another.  Why then, is it so socially acceptable to poke fun of or look down on those who ARE a little different?  I ask you to ponder this . . .

Wife: "Do you want dinner?"
Husband: "What are my choices?"
Wife:  "Yes or No."

Merry ChristmaHannuKwaanzakahmas!!!

OK, ok, so maybe a day late--BIG DEAL. Yeesh.  Merry Christmas (belated) to everybody out there.  As for the title, I am Christian.  Not any other religion, and I have noooo problem saying Merry Christmas.  I just saw this on a Christmas card this year and found it hilarious.  Granted, people are more than welcome to worship and celebrate however they please.  Won't offend me in the slightest.  I just personally am a Christian and celebrate CHRISTmas.  I have Jewish friends, Muslim friends and even a few Hindu friends.  Do I tell them what to do? NO. Do they give me the same respect? YES.  I also don't go out of my way to 'convert' people who think differently than I do.  I thoroughly enjoy a respectful, intelligent discussion on the subject when it is approached.  However, I DO NOT believe it is my solemn duty to conform people to my personal beliefs. PERIOD.  If they wanna know, I'll tell 'em.  IF the discussion is RESPECTFUL on both sides. My opinion is that I am best showing the love of Christ by displaying a loving, caring, respecful character to EVERYONE I meet.  Not by saying I'm better than or smarter than those who believe different.  That wouldn't be very Christ-like at all. 
I have to carry on that same way in my own home.  I was raised in one Christian denominatino, and my dear husband was raised in another.  He still holds to many of the beliefs he was taught as a child.  We agreed looooong ago that we would tell our children how mommy believes AND how daddy believes--and allow them to research and decide for themselves when they became old enough to.  In the meantime, we don't tell them 'well THIS is how it is and you HAVE to believe THIS WAY'. No.  We teach our kids that there are several different takes on the religion subject, and lots of different opinions.  We also teach them that they don't necessarily have to AGREE with the opinions of others, but they have to RESPECT them.  When they come of age to make informed, intelligent decisions on their own, I will wholeheartedly respect their choice.  In the meantime, I will just grit my teeth and bear it when I hear folks making fun of others because they differ in that area.  I can't STAND when people do that . . . 

Aahhh, puppies. BLECH!!!!

On Thanksgiving night, my hubby decided to add a new member to our family (which I've already talked about in a previous post).  A cute, four legged, brown, furry, blue-eyed, laid back and loveable member we named Karma. Because we had a major blowout on the way home with her and had to rearrange the car to get the flat and everything else back in.  (Looooong story.) The first comment out of my hubby's mouth was, "That dog's got bad karma or something." Ding-ding-ding!!! Perfect name. Two days later, he decided she needed a buddy; so, her hyperactive, black, furry, LOUD littermate came to live with us too.  Now, we already have a full grown, un-neutered, male basset hound 

and both the new pups are female. (YIKES!!) Hubby has the bright idea that everybody will want basset/lab/walker hound pups.  NOT HAPPENING. Somebody will draw the short straw and go to the vet. (Sorry, Storm.)

Hubby's next idea actually sounded pretty good to me.  He wants me to train both new pups for hunting dogs.  I LOVE the sound of that.  You see, I grew up with dogs.  I love dogs.  I also helped my dad train and breed bird dogs for years.  I truly relish the idea.  UNTIL . . . our little black puppy made us realize that some dogs are true challenges.  Mojo (her current name) should've been named HOUDINI.  She has escaped our chain link fenced in back yard EVERY DAY at some point since the day we got her.  Our lovely fenced in enclosure is beginning to look like an episode of Sanford & Son.  We've got scrap lumber, metal fence posts, an upside-down little tikes slide and numerous HUGE rocks up against the fence all over the yard.  Yet, she STILL manages to escape.  The funny part is that she always runs to the back door and sits and whines to be let back in.  She doesn't run off--she runs around to get back in the fence through the gate.  What a doofus . . .

Now, flashback to last Thursday night.  Hubby is on his way home and he calls me as usual.  He says, "I have one of your other Christmas presents and I'm giving it to you early."  I was fixing to ask what he was bringing me when I heard a sound that brought my heart to a stop-- the distinct sound of a small puppy yapping in terror.  Not from my yard . . . from his CAR.  I promptly hung up on him.

When he arrived home, I had settled somewhat.  I asked where the flea-bitten little nuisance was.  Then, he pulled out of his jacket one of the sweetest, most adorable fur balls I had EVER seen.  My resolve and my heart melted in that instance.  It was love at first sight.  I hugged hubby, apologized and thanked him profusely.  I'm not sure what breed she is, but she is the color of a golden retriever, has short, floppy ears, a slightly curly tail, longer 'scruff' around her neck, a long body (like a weenie dog), and very short legs.  With a very wide head, short snout and HUGE paws.  Mutt?  Definitely.  Angel? Absolutely.  So Angel is what we called her. 

I don't believe we need ANY more pets, thank you very much.  We now have 4 dogs and 3 cats.  PLENTY.  On another note, I won't say that training 2 puppies to hunt and housebreaking another is easy, but I'll say that I have my work cut out.  It will eventually be worth it--but not for another year. Or two . . . Oh, boy . . .

Flu lala lala lala la laundryyyyy!!!!

I have spent the last 2 days with some of the worst stomach cramping and tummy bug symptoms known to modern man.  This morning I awoke thinking I might actually be able to stomach some dry crackers--if not for the horrid sore throat and sinus pain I am now feeling.  Yesterday my dear sweet hubby was actually late to work b/c he had to take the kids to school for me. Why? Because I could not walk--only crawl.  Between the toilet and my bed.  Yeah.  No driving for me. (duh)  The only thing that befuddles me is not the tummy cramps, but the backache I was having (????).  Makes me wonder if I had kidney trouble instead or something outlandish like that. Who knows?  All I know is that I am feeling better today and that I need to catch up laundry. Oh. joy.
Speaking of laundry, does it get on your nerves as it does on mine?  I posted a complaint about my laundry recently on another discussion board and a dear friend (with 3 children) gave me a wonderful tip I may just try.  She said in her house, laundry baskets/ hampers are only used for clean laundry.  Her WASHING MACHINE is used for the dirty hamper.  She doesn't keep clothes that bleed so they can all be washed together when the machine is full.  LOVE IT!!!!  I've been trying that for the last few days and I must say, it is quite liberating!  She does admit to keeping a hamper specifically in the bathroom for towels etc., that gets emptied into the washer every morning with what's already there. She also has a cleaning schedule that has every room of the house assigned to a day (with quick pick ups in between) and sheets and blankets for the bedrooms get washed on the day that room gets cleaned. (Genius!!)  However, I shudder to think when the last time was that I washed my sheets . . . ugh.
I also had a little revelation of my own recently. I have had a sock basket for almost as long as I have had children.  I LOVE the sock basket.  I DESPISE matching socks. I was folding towels, washrags, dishcloths and the like a few months back when I thought, "what is the point? who CARES if these get wrinkled?"  Then, the lightbulb went off in my head.  I STOPPED folding those things (GASP!).  So, what do I do?  I'll tell you.  Dishcloths and kitchen towels get thrown directly in a drawer in the kitchen.  Do not fold, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars :)  My linen closet has four shelves and the floor section beneath the bottom shelf, so there are 5 sections there (right? right.)  I put a rubber maid tote(minus the lid) on the floor and a laundry basket on the next 3 shelves. Rubbermaid tote holds small blankets and misc. items.  First shelf's basket holds towels and wash cloths (unfolded--just toss em in), second shelf 's basket holds kids sheets and pillowcases(same thing here), and third shelf's basket holds me and hubby's sheets and pillowcases (ditto).  Top shelf holds comforters (these are folded--wouldn't be able to fit much up there if they weren't). You see how much folding I have done away with? YAY!!  Now if the rest of the clothes would just fold themselves, I'd be all set!

Anonymous

I bet some of u may have noticed that I don't put names or pictures on my blog.  And I'll bet some of u are wondering why (or not :)).  Well, I'll tell ya.  Number 1: My hubby has a job where he deals with some shady characters from time to time--and has to either refuse to do what shady characters ask him to, and/or fire them.  Which has led to numerous threats against him (and us!).  So, to ease his mind, I don't tell specifics for safety reasons.  Number 2:  Past problems.  Hubby has a troubled and disturbing past w certain people, that were not of his doing.  And, he is NOT ready to reconcile old differences.  In order to keep things civil,  I just don't get specific and I don't push him to 'make things right', especially when he didn't do anything to deserve the situation in the first place.  Now folks, don't get all worked up.  He is NOT a member of the mob, or a gang, or anything like that.  And his job is a perfectly legal, average, everyday job.  He is just in charge of a LOT of people and things--and occasionally some of them are (dare I say it?) LOONEY. 

So, that is the reason why I'm not as specific as I could be on here.  Hopefully, you understand.

Now, would somebody pass the Velveeta?

Last night the Christmas parade went rather well. It was cooooooold, but FUN.  Our last Christmas parade this year will be next weekend.  I'm looking forward to it. 
 This morning I went outside to help my son feed our hounds and twisted my knee.  It's swelled up pretty bad and I can't completely straighten it.  It's really not unusual for that to happen to me--I have had knee trouble since I was in junior high school.  They pop out of socket regularly and take awhile to get back to 'normal'.  So, I guess I'll be spending this morning on the couch with ice on it instead of going to church.  Bummer...  In the meantime, I did manage to go get my Sunday papers bf my incident so I will be clipping coupons while I rest. (YEEHAW!!!)  I'm also going to give the kiddos a chore list and have the boys bring me baskets of clothes to fold. This day could turn out to be interesting . . .

Hats, scarves, coats . . . and Gi's.

Earlier this year, I opted to sign my older 3 kids up for karate. Number 1, I thought it would be good exercise and discipline for them. Number 2, they are members of the local boys and girls club, and karate is offered FREE!!!! Yup, free :-)So, they've been enjoying it for awhile now. Every Christmas, they march in 3 local christmas parades. Last weekend was the first, and the weather wasn't too bad. This weekend is number 2, and the weather is supposed to be FRIGID to say the least. So I have to figure out how to keep them warm without covering up their black karate outfits TOO much. And without them looking like the kid from the Christmas story who falls and can't get up. I hope none of them get dumb enough to try this :

Paper Bags--the new fashion accessory for your HEAD

We got to church Sunday and got settled on our pew. We were singing away when Mr. Busy leans over and whispers, "I can't move my finger, mom." I looked at his hand and his finger was HUGE AND PURPLE!!! I asked what happened to him and he said, "Remember when I jammed it playing football before Halloween?" I was shocked. I do remember that day. I distinctly remember looking at it, noting that it was slightly swollen but he still had some movement, and putting ice on it. He NEVER COMPLAINED ABOUT IT after that so I thought we were good. Well, apparently not. He has very limited movement and it is extremely swollen. It has been swollen so long that the skin around his knuckles is peeling. So today we're going to the doctor and hoping for the best.

Sorry, I HAVE to vent.

Looking for a miracle is kinda like looking for a needle in a haystack. It seems like at the times we need help the most, it is the hardest thing to find. Yesterday we had a wedding in the family. The event was absolutely beautiful--outside, overlooking a lush, green, beautiful area (golf course) with the sun setting in the background. Everyone was dressed absolutely stunningly--especially the bride. Beautiful. However, the part of the whole event that brought me to tears was when she reached the altar. It was COLD. She had on a gorgeous strapless dress. Her husband to be then did something i've never seen at a wedding-- he took off his tux jacket and gently put it around her shoulders to keep her warm. It was absolutely precious. Unexpected, yes, but so sweet. Here's the strange part: I had spent the whole day OF the wedding in one of the foulest moods I've been in for quite some time. I was mad at everybody and everything for absolutely nothing. I would've been quite happy to have stayed under my covers all day and let the whole world go on without me. I tried to smile and look normal (especially when we got to the wedding, for their sakes), but inside I was TICKED. Until I saw that one act of kindness. I'm not really sure why it changed my tune, but it did.
The last few months have been really hard. I've done my absolute best to keep my inner turmoil from my family. I am in charge of the budget (which doesn't squeak, it SCREAMS), feeding my family of six (the difficulty here is numerous food allergies), monitoring my husband's diabetes and the meds that go along with it, cleaning my home and doing mountains of laundry (which sounds really silly along with the other stuff, but it's stressful nonetheless) and making sure my kids are educated, well-behaved,LOVED,clean and healthy. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope, but I don't get the option to stop. What mom does? And since I have no worse problems than many other people out there, I guess there's just one thing left to do. Suck it up, go on, and sneak in a 'locked door bubble bath' from time to time. There will be better things coming. I know that. In the meantime, I will just have to stay strong--or risk falling apart . . .

Tonight's menu will consist of 'Crazy Yummy Soup' and homemade onion bread. Crazy yummy soup is what my kids call my 'pantry and fridge cleaner' soup. This version will contain turkey, celery, onions, carrots, egg noodles, rotini, and large shell noodles. Yum!

Frustration

I sat down this morning and checked our budget for the next month. Eeeew . . . and at Christmastime, no less. I'm fixing to pull out my little notebook of tips and tricks to get us through without feeling like we're doing waaaaaay without. I guess I'd better get crackin' . . . later . . . when my pain meds for this headache kick in . . . ugh.